It wasn't much longer after God miraculously healed me that my family decided to move out of my aunt and uncle's house to Athens, Georgia. It was here that my life took a beautiful turn. I met many amazing friends (most of which I still have today) and established a deep, personal relationship with Jesus Christ. My family moved into a beautiful house and me and my siblings attended several schools throughout the area.
It was my experience at Westminster Christian Academy that allowed me to search my heart and decide what I believed about God for myself (and not just what my mom and dad had taught me). For the first three years at Westminster, many kids teased me for being different. Not physically different, but spiritually different. During chapel, I would lift my hands to a worship song or take a stand for the other kids that got picked on at school. It was these things, and many others that made me a target for people's relentless taunts. I believe I cried every day for months. I begged my parents to put me in a new school, where kids would treat me kindly and I could "fit in," knowing deep down that I was not created to merely "fit in." After many attempts, my parents finally agreed to let me transfer to public school. It was in this time frame that many struggles and Dates With Destiny occurred.
It was during my two years at public school that I decided to succumb to peer pressure and use marijuana recreationally and drink underage. I think that it probably felt good just to "fit in" and for people to appreciate who I was as an individual. I often felt convicted about my behavior, but was convinced that I could stop at any point in time. I knew God was pursuing me the entire time and wanted my whole heart, but I continued to do my best to camouflage myself and run away from the whole "Christian" thing (I had told God that if Christians were like those kids at Westminster who had teased me for years, then I didn't want to be one). God didn't seem to be worried about that because He continued to pursue me.
Although I chose to live my own way, I prayed that God would not tell my mom (God tends to show her things) because I did not want to disappoint her. I told God that I would get my life together if He gave me the chance and left her out of it. For many months, I had the opportunity to make things right in my life, but I didn't.
One evening I was invited to a party with a couple of my friends. I asked my mom and dad if I could hang out with some of my friends that evening. For some reason (a reason I didn't know at the time), my dad told me that he had talked to mom and they felt like I should stay in, so the answer was "no." I was really angry that my friends were all going to be together and I had to miss out, but I withdrew from the conversation, in order to avoid an argument, and figured it must be for the best.
The next morning, my mom informed me that my friend's dad had called looking for her. I did not know where she was because I had not been allowed to go out. He said that he was calling because the cops had busted the party we had planned to attend and charged several people with underage drinking (he was afraid his daughter had been one of them). Needless to say, I knew that I might also have been a part of that category if I had been able to attend the party.
My mom entered my room after the telephone call and ask me if I knew that God cared about me. I nodded my head and began to cry. She then began telling me about her grocery store encounter the previous night.
"I didn't tell you, Hillary, but the weirdest thing happened to me yesterday in the grocery store. I was standing in line getting ready to check out when I heard your voice call out 'Mom!' I looked around, but did not see you anywhere. It happened once more, and I still did not see you, so I began to pray for you. It was then that your dad called me to talk to me about whether or not we should let you go out with your friends. I just didn't feel peace about it, especially after my encounter in the grocery store, so I told him that you should probably stay in. Just think about that Hillary, if you had gone out, you might have been one of those individuals charged with underage drinking, and it really could have hurt your future. God must really care about your life and your future. He stopped me in the grocery store just to prove it."
I sat on my bed crying (my parents were still unaware of other stuff I had done). When my mom left the room, I told God how sorry I was and thanked him for caring for me so deeply. It wasn't long after this incident that my parents discovered all the poor choices I had been making.
My mom cried as she told me how angry she was at God for not warning her about the choices I had made. She said that she finally asked God why he hadn't told her sooner. She said (not knowing what I had prayed months earlier) that the Holy Spirit had told her it was because I had asked him not to because I wanted the chance to get my life together on my own. I was shocked because that was exactly what I had prayed several months earlier.
It was in that moment, that I turned my heart fully back over to God. I had asked for the time to repent and change on my own and He had given it to me, only because He loved me. Even when I had abused his love and grace, God had still given me a chance to follow Him. It was in that moment, that I knew God had many more Dates With Destiny planned for me. He showed me that He wouldn't even allow ME, in my own sin, to separate myself from Him and His divine plan for my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment